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Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
I have come to the conclusion that I should definitely drink more when trying to deal with you.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
A real friend is someone who knows how totally crazy you really are, but is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
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