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Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
Behind every good woman is a good friend.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
You're a sarcastic asshole, you have a fucked up sense of humour and you're weird as fuck...I like that shit
We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.
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