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Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
You're a sarcastic asshole, you have a fucked up sense of humour and you're weird as fuck...I like that shit
A real friend is someone who knows how totally crazy you really are, but is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
I have come to the conclusion that I should definitely drink more when trying to deal with you.
Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
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