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Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
You're a sarcastic asshole, you have a fucked up sense of humour and you're weird as fuck...I like that shit
Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
A real friend is someone who knows how totally crazy you really are, but is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
As your best friend, I will always be there for you. Until you post a picture of me on Facebook I didn’t approve.
A real best friend makes your family question your sexuality.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
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