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Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
A real friend is someone who knows how totally crazy you really are, but is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
I have come to the conclusion that I should definitely drink more when trying to deal with you.
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