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The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
Your face looks like a pussy and I'm in the mood for fisting.
Honey, stop with the lies. Did you forget we know you in real life?
I'm kind of lady, but definitely more of a pervert.
I'd do anything to lose 101lbs, except eat healthy and work out.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Money can't buy me happiness, but I'd much rather cry in a mansion.
My life is a very complicated drinking game.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
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