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Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
My life is a very complicated drinking game.
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
Of course I'm an angel! The horns are just there to keep my halo straight.
Bitch, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
Honey, stop with the lies. Did you forget we know you in real life?
