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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
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I'd do anything to lose 101lbs, except eat healthy and work out.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
All this bullshit made me strong motherfucker.
I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.
My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
My top 5 exercises: 1) jumping to conclusions 2) flying off the handle 3) carrying things too far 4) dodging responsibilities 5) pushing my luc...
Tried to count my swear words for one day. F**k that shit. I was born to swear.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
Today I will not be Wearing a bra, Getting dressed, Or leaving the house Lazy Sunday
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