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I don’t get how people can have sex on airplanes. Where do they shower and cry when they’re done?
Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear. So I whispered, "Let's go Rangers," in her ear.
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
I'm having an "out of money" experience!
Darling, It's not going to fuck itself...
I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
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