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If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Before you ask someone why they don't like you, ask yourself why you care.
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
Coffee... The old school Energy Drink
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