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What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
I'm having an "out of money" experience!
Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
I wonder if she's still mad at me. Oh wait, she just "liked" my status. We're good.
Darling, It's not going to fuck itself...
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