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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted.
I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
I'm pretty sure Santa chooses Ho Ho Hos before Bros.
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me bike parts!
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
May your medications trick you into believing you're actually having a Merry Christmas.
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
Merry Christmas to someone who is smart, sexy, friendly and reminds me a lot of myself!
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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