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4th of July
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Santa has been reading your Facebook status… He’s going to send you a dictionary for Christmas.
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. But if the white runs outs, I will drink the red.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t fuck it up like you did last year and the year before ...
Santa, I want the ability to punch people in the face over internet.
You say Merry Christmas... I say pass the vodka.
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me bike parts!
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted.
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