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I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.
I wonder if she's still mad at me. Oh wait, she just "liked" my status. We're good.
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
I don’t get how people can have sex on airplanes. Where do they shower and cry when they’re done?
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
The next person that tells me I have Anger Issues is going to get the shit slapped out of them.
Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one "liked" it even though I refreshed it a few times.
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