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Water is so good when it’s mixed with barley, hops, and yeast.
Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I'm having an "out of money" experience!
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
I wonder if she's still mad at me. Oh wait, she just "liked" my status. We're good.
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
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