I'm Not A Psychologist, But I See Your Problem, eCard

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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
I have come to the conclusion that I should definitely drink more when trying to deal with you.
Behind every good woman is a good friend.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.