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My top 5 exercises: 1) jumping to conclusions 2) flying off the handle 3) carrying things too far 4) dodging responsibilities 5) pushing my luc...
My favorite winter activity is going back inside and putting my pajamas on.
You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
The older I get, the more I realize how much I fucking hate people.
You know you're really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves...
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