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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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My life is a very complicated drinking game.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
The older I get, the more I realize how much I fucking hate people.
You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
My top 5 exercises: 1) jumping to conclusions 2) flying off the handle 3) carrying things too far 4) dodging responsibilities 5) pushing my luc...
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
It's a bird! It's a plane! No... wait... It's just that flying fuck I don't give.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
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