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I saw your Tumblr pictures….. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
Let's not get each other gifts unless you already got me one.
May your medications trick you into believing you're actually having a Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to someone who is smart, sexy, friendly and reminds me a lot of myself!
Your gift will be arriving late or never.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t fuck it up like you did last year and the year before ...
I love Christmas lights! They remind me of my friends. They all hang together, half of them don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t th...
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
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