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Merry Christmas to someone who is smart, sexy, friendly and reminds me a lot of myself!
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
All I want for Christmas is someone to fake an orgasm for.
Santa has been reading your Facebook status… He’s going to send you a dictionary for Christmas.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t fuck it up like you did last year and the year before ...
I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted.
Bad girls like you don’t go on my naughty list… you go in my little black book.
I saw your Tumblr pictures….. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
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