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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me the latest swimming gear.
Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.
Let's not get each other gifts unless you already got me one.
Santa, I want the ability to punch people in the face over internet.
I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted.
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t fuck it up like you did last year and the year before ...
I saw your Tumblr pictures….. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
All I want for Christmas is someone to fake an orgasm for.
Bad girls like you don’t go on my naughty list… you go in my little black book.
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