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...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
Your gift will be arriving late or never.
Bad girls like you don’t go on my naughty list… you go in my little black book.
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
Merry Christmas to someone who is smart, sexy, friendly and reminds me a lot of myself!
All I want for Christmas is enough alcohol to get me through Christmas.
Santa, I want the ability to punch people in the face over internet.
All I want for Christmas is someone to fake an orgasm for.
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