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Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.
Let's not put a label on what we're doing, let's just say it works until we both find someone better.
Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
You make me wish I have more middle fingers.
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
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