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Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.
You say Merry Christmas... I say pass the vodka.
It's October, so you know what that means....... Merry Christmas!
I saw your Tumblr pictures….. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
Your gift will be arriving late or never.
All I want for Christmas is enough alcohol to get me through Christmas.
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me bike parts!
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t fuck it up like you did last year and the year before ...
Bad girls like you don’t go on my naughty list… you go in my little black book.
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