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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
I saw your Tumblr pictures….. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
You say Merry Christmas... I say pass the vodka.
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. But if the white runs outs, I will drink the red.
I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted.
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.
All I want for Christmas is someone to fake an orgasm for.
I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
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