Sorry Dustin Let's Just Be Friends! eCard

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that moment when you abandon the group prank call script and wing it... "IM FROM THE VA BCH DEPT OF DEA BUREAU.. WE'LL BE RAIDING YOU IN A HOU...
You don't like me? That's a shame. I'll pencil in some time to cry about it later. Right now, I'm busy enjoying my life, and I will be doing th...
I wont cry for you, my mascara's too expensive.
Life is too short to date a douche bag.
I'll have you know, I want to kiss your lips, and at the same time I'd like to punch you in the face for even considering hurting me.
I think we need some time away from each other forever.
Please text me back so I know when it's a good time to call you to break up.
I wrote all of your opinions on toilet paper so I can wipe my ass with it.
I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them.
I'm breaking up with my belly fat. Sorry, fat, you're just not looking good anymore.