I'm Breaking Up With My Belly Fat. Sorry, Fat, Y eCard

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I used to think you took my breath away then i realized I was just being suffocated by your bullshit!
People say you never know what you have until it's gone. Well, I know what I had and I'm glad you're gone.
Anybody who’s said break ups are hard obviously hasn’t used shopping as a healing process.
that moment when you abandon the group prank call script and wing it... "IM FROM THE VA BCH DEPT OF DEA BUREAU.. WE'LL BE RAIDING YOU IN A HOU...
Cheers to your breakup. It's about fucking time!
I wrote all of your opinions on toilet paper so I can wipe my ass with it.
I'm breaking up with my belly fat. Sorry, fat, you're just not looking good anymore.
Sorry Dustin let's just be friends!
I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them.
My life will never be the same without you. It will be much better.