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4th of July
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Thinking of you
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I'm always available to discuss your problems via text.
I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals.
My condolences on losing your balls.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the mall.
The best thing about you and me is me.
Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
Men: if you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2,857 tabs open. All.The.Time.
Welcome to the land where you can get sunburn and frostbite in the same week.
If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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