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Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for spending your parent's hard-earned money on me.
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
I don't have a "Honey-Do" list... I have an "I'll-Do-It-My-Fucking- Self" list! And surprise! The shit gets done!
Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
Thanks for dating someone ugly after me. I win.
Thanks for ignoring all my calls and texts while updating your Facebook every 5 minutes from your phone.
Thanks for being my support. You're like a good bra, you always "perk" me up.
"How beautiful a day can be, when kindness touches it!" ... George Elliston said
Thanks. Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
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