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I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
Darling, it was the best 30 seconds, ever. Really.
Thanks for ignoring all my calls and texts while updating your Facebook every 5 minutes from your phone.
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
Dear liver, Thanks for all the support last night. I couldn't have done it without you!
I don't have a "Honey-Do" list... I have an "I'll-Do-It-My-Fucking- Self" list! And surprise! The shit gets done!
Thanks for being my support. You're like a good bra, you always "perk" me up.
Thanks for dating someone ugly after me. I win.
Thanks for spending your parent's hard-earned money on me.
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