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Dear liver, Thanks for all the support last night. I couldn't have done it without you!
Thanks. Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for ignoring all my calls and texts while updating your Facebook every 5 minutes from your phone.
Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
Thanks for dating someone ugly after me. I win.
I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
Darling, it was the best 30 seconds, ever. Really.
Thanks for being my support. You're like a good bra, you always "perk" me up.
