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I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
Thanks for ignoring all my calls and texts while updating your Facebook every 5 minutes from your phone.
Thanks for being my support. You're like a good bra, you always "perk" me up.
Thanks for spending your parent's hard-earned money on me.
I don't have a "Honey-Do" list... I have an "I'll-Do-It-My-Fucking- Self" list! And surprise! The shit gets done!
Thanks. Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for dating someone ugly after me. I win.
Dear liver, Thanks for all the support last night. I couldn't have done it without you!
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