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It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the person is a complete idiot.
Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is.
Congratulations on defying marriage statistics.
I can't believe how much I am not sick of you.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the stupid people as they are, the courage to maintain self-control and the wisdom to know that if I act on ...
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