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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the person is a complete idiot.
I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.
Congratulations on defying marriage statistics.
It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook
It's pretty cool that we've been together for however long we've been together.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Where should we drink lunch today?
I'm sorry but there's no "clear history" button for your vagina.
Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is.
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