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Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is.
It's remarkable how long we've tolerated each other.
It's pretty cool that we've been together for however long we've been together.
I'm sorry but there's no "clear history" button for your vagina.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Thanks for still wanting to have sex with me after seeing human beings emerge screaming for my vagina.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.
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