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Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is.
Congratulations on defying marriage statistics.
I can't believe how much I am not sick of you.
Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook
I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.
It's remarkable how long we've tolerated each other.
I'm sorry but there's no "clear history" button for your vagina.
