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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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I'm going to hell in every religion!
Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without guns? (Recommended)
Welcome to the land where you can get sunburn and frostbite in the same week.
I'm always available to discuss your problems via text.
I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the mall.
My condolences on losing your balls.
Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
Oh honey I see right through fake smiles and fake kindness. God didn't give me a sixth sense for nothing.
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