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Fireworks always look better after you're drunk. Happy 4th of July!
If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic.
The 4th of July used to mean something. Now it's just a reminder for Walmart to put out Halloween decorations.
I drink coffee for your protection.
4th of July... Blah blah blah... let's drink!
Happy birthday, America!! I was going to get you a gift, but I had no money left after taxes.
I am currently in the planning stages of a hangover.
Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China. Happy 4th Of July!
Let's enjoy this 4th of July by eating foods that would terrify our forefathers.
