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This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic.
If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China. Happy 4th Of July!
I drink coffee for your protection.
Happy birthday, America!! I was going to get you a gift, but I had no money left after taxes.
If you serve me veggie burgers at your 4th of July BBQ I will slap you silly.
Just remember that fireworks looks even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.
Than God our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter.
I used to think you took my breath away, then I realised I was just suffocating on your bullshit.
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