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May your life be one day so awesome like you pretend on Facebook :)
Men say a women's place is in the kitchen, just remember, that's where all the knives are.
Life is too short. Never pass up the opportunity to make someone smile, or tell someone they’re a moron.
You're a whore! Case closed.
Oh, Gothenburg is going to be lovely! Just what I need right now ;)
May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.
If you pulled your head out of your ass, your life wouldn't seem so shitty.
Please stop wishing upon me...I'm a different kind of star
Today is the: Hug a Vegetarian Day
I'd rather have you stare at my boobs than at your phone on our date.
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