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I'd rather have you stare at my boobs than at your phone on our date.
May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.
Please stop wishing upon me...I'm a different kind of star
Wow honey, the house is so clean! Was the internet down for a while today?
May your life be one day so awesome like you pretend on Facebook :)
Nothing says I LOVE YOU more, than a variety box of prescription drugs.
Today is the: Hug a Vegetarian Day
You're a whore! Case closed.
Life is too short. Never pass up the opportunity to make someone smile, or tell someone they’re a moron.
Men say a women's place is in the kitchen, just remember, that's where all the knives are.
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