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You're a whore! Case closed.
Wow honey, the house is so clean! Was the internet down for a while today?
Please stop wishing upon me...I'm a different kind of star
If you pulled your head out of your ass, your life wouldn't seem so shitty.
May your life be one day so awesome like you pretend on Facebook :)
Men say a women's place is in the kitchen, just remember, that's where all the knives are.
Today is the: Hug a Vegetarian Day
May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.
I'd rather have you stare at my boobs than at your phone on our date.
Life is too short. Never pass up the opportunity to make someone smile, or tell someone they’re a moron.
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