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4th of July
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People say the secret to marriage is make sure you marry your best friend. Well, unfortunately I'm not a lesbian so you'll have to do.
May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.
Congratulations on probably not dying alone.
The key to a happy marriage is to keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
You're cordially invited to witness a large chunk of our parent's saving disappear in a five-hour time span.
I am not sure if a handful of Xanax counts as your "Something blue".
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
More Wedding planning? ...ain't nobody got time for that!
Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.
Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.
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