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Today is the: World Contraception Day
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When everyone is arguing about something you solved a long time ago, but won't let you talk...
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Darling, It's not going to fuck itself...
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Club goin' up, on a Tuesday Got your girl in the cut and she choosey
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Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
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I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one "liked" it even though I refreshed it a few times.
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No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
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Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
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I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
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That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
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Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
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I'm having an "out of money" experience!
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  • I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
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  • I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one "liked" it even though I refreshed it a few times.
  • Water is so good when it’s mixed with barley, hops, and yeast.
  • Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
  • I wonder if she's still mad at me. Oh wait, she just "liked" my status. We're good.
  • I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
  • The next person that tells me I have Anger Issues is going to get the shit slapped out of them.
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