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Where should we drink lunch today?
Happy Birthday Joe!
I love you and your sexy ass
The first person I hear complaining about this summer being too damn hot gets thunder-punched in the throat!
It's not you, it's my horrible choice in men.
Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself you're dying.
My New Year's resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic... Like I won't screw that up right away.
If you pulled your head out of your ass, your life wouldn't seem so shitty.
Water is so good when it’s mixed with barley, hops, and yeast.
This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic.
