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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself you're dying.
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I’m exhausted after a long day of not giving a fuck.
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When I kill a spider, I don't clean it up, I leave it there so the rest know not to fuck with me.
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All this bullshit made me strong motherfucker.
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Even the fish wouldn't have got caught if he would of kept his mouth shut
Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China. Happy 4th Of July!
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
Valentine's Day. Ain't nobody got time for that shit.
Some people need to be hit real hard with reality, kicked in the face by karma, and take a big dose of grow the fuck up.
Call me when you quit dieting.
I used to think you took my breath away then i realized I was just being suffocated by your bullshit!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the stupid people as they are, the courage to maintain self-control and the wisdom to know that if I act on ...
I only saved your number so I would know not to answer when you call.
Let's see... hmmmm... yep, just as I suspected... you're full of SHIT!!