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This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic.
The 4th of July used to mean something. Now it's just a reminder for Walmart to put out Halloween decorations.
Happy birthday, America!! I was going to get you a gift, but I had no money left after taxes.
When I go to Blanchette's wall, I fully expect train wrecks. They're my favorite!
Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.
We should celebrate this great nation of immigrants as soon as I see your proof of citizenship.
Happy Independence Day to all adults still living at home with their mother.
If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
I am currently in the planning stages of a hangover.
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