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I've reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
When I kill a spider, I don't clean it up, I leave it there so the rest know not to fuck with me.
Let’s not put a label on what we’re doing, let’s just say it works until we both find someone better.
If woman is bad in parking, it's only because she is constantly lied about what 8 inched is.
Facebook is great for reminders! Every day it reminds of why I don't like people.
Tip: Someone who really loves and cares for you, will not isolate you from your family and friends.
I already know I'm going to hell... At this point it's really go big or go home.
It's always better to top off on muffin tits. Never on muffin tops.
I hate to spend money on shoes and purses, but the economy needs me.
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