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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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Dear Mom, I'm sorry about the stretch marks. Happy Mother's Day!
That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
FYI, It's not BABYSITTING If they're your own kids!
Happy Independence Day to all adults still living at home with their mother.
I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted.
Thanks for still wanting to have sex with me after seeing human beings emerge screaming for my vagina.
I'm not convinced we've wasted enough time on this.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
Stop saying I'm hard to shop for. Surely you know where a liquor store is.
Call me when you quit dieting.
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