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I want to spend all my 9 lives with you. Happy Valentine's Day
I'm going to hell in every religion!
Please stop wishing upon me...I'm a different kind of star
May you live long enough to shit yourself.
Your gift will be arriving late or never.
There is no life without water, because without water there is no coffee and without coffee, I will kill you all :)
I'm playing it safe this year. I'm marinating the Turkey in vodka, making vodka cranberries, vodka stuffing and a jello shots for dessert. That s...
Nothing says the "true meaning of Christmas" like scaring your kids into being good with a creepy Elf on the Shelf.
I can't wait to nap trough 85% of my visit home.
May your medications trick you into believing you're actually having a Merry Christmas.