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When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
Sorry you didn't meet my ridiculously low standards.
My New Year’s Resolution is to become a skinny bitch… actually just skinny, I’m already a bitch.
Let's decide who we're inviting to our wedding and who will never speak to us again.
If you knew how much I've been thinking about you, you wouldn't be talking to me right now.
If it wasn't for someone like me, things would get done around here.
I'm sorry for the unkind words I spoke out of hunger.
Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
As your best friend, I will always be there for you. Until you post a picture of me on Facebook I didn’t approve.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round...and laughed and l...