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Just like lucky charms, I'm magically delicious! Happy St.Paddy's Day.
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.
Just curious what you're doing and wearing right now
You are my favorite wife
That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
Please text me back so I know when it's a good time to call you to break up.
It's always better to top off on muffin tits. Never on muffin tops.
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
Happy anniversary of your escape from the womb.
I can't wait to nap trough 85% of my visit home.