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Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
That’s very interesting. Why don’t you write it down, put it in an envelope, and mail it to someone that actually gives a crap!
Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Hell who am I kidding. I hope you fall down the Fucking stairs too.
May your medications trick you into believing you're actually having a Merry Christmas.
Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
I declare that Groundhog's Day is bullshit. Who's with me?
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
Thanks for not leaving me on someone's doorstep. Happy Mother's Day.
When I kill a spider, I don't clean it up, I leave it there so the rest know not to fuck with me.