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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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That’s very interesting. Why don’t you write it down, put it in an envelope, and mail it to someone that actually gives a crap!
Just a reminder that your Valentine's Day plans for me, will be broadcast in real-time on at least three social media platforms.
I am currently in the planning stages of a hangover.
Santa, I want the ability to punch people in the face over internet.
Let's relax tonight by spending two hours trying to find something to watch on Netfix.
Honey, stop with the lies. Did you forget we know you in real life?
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I'll be out sick.
It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.
I would be more excited about Valentine's Day if my diet would let me have chocolate or sperm.
I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year.
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